I don’t know exactly where to start today… I came home because my Mom has another treatment tomorrow and what she told me literally made me what to cry, but I couldn’t cry in front of her.
She told me that with her last treatment she got really sick. In fact when her friends came over to check on her, they had to call her doctor because she was so weak and almost passed out multiple times. The problem is the chemo is so strong that it leaves her weak and unable and un-wanting to eat anything because her taste buds are shot. Therefore, she isn’t getting the proper nutrients to survive.
She told me that when she went to see her doctor he told her, I never expected you to make it past the first round of chemo. He has being giving her triple the dosage of chemo because her cancer is so bad. He has women in their twenties and thirties that go in after the first round and say I don’t care if the cancer comes back, I don’t want anymore chemo. The fact that my mom has gone three rounds, she is his hero. He also told her that with three rounds of chemo done there is an 85% chance that the cancer will not come back. If she goes a fourth round there is a 99% chance the cancer will not come back.
With those numbers my mom still didn’t want to do it because she has nothing left in her to fight. But after talking to my sister, my sister brought in my niece to tell her that she needs to do one more treatment. Although my mom may be weak, she couldn’t look at my niece and tell her no. Now, one of her friends has brought in a nurse that will come to the house for round the clock care to make sure my mom is okay after she gets this treatment. They will be here to make sure she eats, and if she needs anything through an iv or needs help getting around, they will be here.
I’m grateful that she will not be alone but it kills me to know that I am so far away and there is nothing I can do for her. I hate to know that she’s in so much pain and that she doesn’t want to go through anymore treatment but she fells like she needs to go through it for the family. Don’t get me wrong, I want my mom around for as long as possible. But, I also don’t want her to be in pain and suffering through it. I would rather her live pain free then feeling like crap all the time.
She decided that she’s going to go through with the treatment one more time and that’s it. All I can hope and pray for is that everything goes well and she doesn’t get sick like before. God is in control now…